The Black Forest

1. vimme commented on 2005/8/12, 13.50 h:

koel!

*gooit camera in badkuip*

2. dxtr commented on 2005/8/12, 16.54 h:

Die hond zou nu toch al decennia dood zijn

3. Jasper commented on 2005/8/12, 21.10 h:

Dan is het verhaal van de tweede (en Amerikaanse) aap in de ruimte toch een stuk leuker:

Houston had a problem. The NASA doctors worried about the effects of extreme gravity, and zero gravity, on humans. And until they were sure it was safe, no American was going up there.

Enter Enos, an elite Californian chimp. Enos had successfully learnt all the tricks asked of him... and they were many. Firstly, after a light, he had to pull a lever to avoid an electric shock. Another light indicated that he had to wait 20 seconds before pulling a lever, to get a drink of water. A third light was the cue for him to pull a lever 50 times, to be rewarded with a banana pellet. Finally, another set of lights flashed 3 symbols. He had to press the odd one out, to avoid an electric shock. Enos could attend to all these tasks simultaneously, and under pressure. It was this latter ability that was most important in choosing this heroic chimp. But his coping methods were causing the problem.

Enos would pull his nappy down, and begin masturbating.

The engineers were desperate to stop this happening. He had an external catheter which he was in the habit of removing. Instead they used the internal catheters of the day. No use - Enos still pulled it out. A new catheter was required. No urologist has been able to confirm it to me, but I believe this is the origin of the balloon urethral catheter, designed specifically to stop Enos from pulling it out and playing with himself.

Our story ends differently to how the engineers planned it. Enos performed admirably in space. He continued to carry out his tasks under all the gravitational stresses, proving to the doctors that man could survive such conditions.

Unfortunately during the final moments of re-entry, the equipment malfunctioned. The computer for the 3-symbol puzzle stopped caring about Enos' accuracy, and decided to deliver electric shocks regardless. Enos tried his hardest to press the correct buttons, to no avail. He switched tack and pressed all the buttons. Then he tried to thump the machine repeatedly. The shocks just kept coming. Under such stress, Enos had but one course of action. Astonishingly, he managed to pull out the catheter with no permanent damage to himself. The remaining video footage has never been shown to the American public.

What was shown only narrowly avoided embarrassment. During the ensuing press conference, Enos began by pulling his nappy down. NASA's people were horrified of what might follow. Fortunately Enos had more class than this, and restrained himself. Millions of Americans turned off their TV set that night thinking he was just a cute monkey.

4. Dave commented on 2005/8/13, 2.47 h:

Arme geile aap...

Wel een leuker verhaal idd.